An Affair to Remember

Debra "Deb" Lynne Johnson Fike

2006-06-19T13:04:00.000-05:00

For all of you who have been so supportive and loving, I thought you would like to know the sad news of Deb. I would also like to say that Deb was an amazing person. She loved God, her family and life. She touched so many people and was inspiration beyond words. After her last post in November, Deb became extremely ill and finally had to quit work. She was and will always be someone very special in my life. Deb, I love you and will miss you greatly-Robin

Debra Lynne Johnson Fike died on Saturday, June 17, 2006 at Erlanger Hospital following a long battle with cancer. Deb was a 1977 graduate of Red Bank High School and was employed by UT Orthopedic Surgery as a Resident Coordinator for over ten years. She was a faithful member of Chickamauga Church of Christ. Memorial contributions may be made to Ovarian Cancer Research Fund, 14 Pennsylvania Plaza, Suite 1400, New York, NY 10122 or online at www.ocrf.org.

Just for fun!

2005-11-18T13:39:00.001-05:00

You are Kermit the Frog. You are reliable, responsible and caring, and you have a habit of waving your arms about maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS: "Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and "Sheesh!

FAVORITE MOVIE: "How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ: "Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the Internet"

HOBBIES: Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE: "Hmm, my banjo is wet."

What Muppet are you? brought to you by

NOVEMBER 18, 2005

2005-11-18T11:35:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe it has been one month since I last "blogged"! Thanksgiving is next week. The official start of the holiday season. I love Thanksgiving - it is my favorite holiday of the year. It is such a blessed time of year with family and friends. The smell of pumpkin and turkey, the sounds of laughter, and the bittersweet memories of Thanksgiving pasts are all part of a wonderful tradition. I hope each of you reading this has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and make many new memories that will carry you through until the next year.

Well, I completed radiation treatments on November 3rd! I received treatments every day for six weeks - 30 treatments - I HATED it! But, I made it and feel better for it. I've lost 20 lbs since starting the radiation, and am continuing to, so that dear friends is my silver lining. I have assured the physicians that I am wanting to lose weight, and I am doing it the smart way, so they are no longer concerned with that area of my health. I saw my radiation oncologist this morning and was told that the results, as well as side effects, from radiation will continue for four to six weeks after completion.

I had chemo last week and got my numbers back. My CA-125 came down eight points. I would be disappointed if they had gone up eight points, so I am happy they came down; however, I was hoping for a bigger drop after all the radiation. I'm praying that when I have tests done the last week of the month that I will have much better results. At least I don't have to have chemo during Thanksgiving week, another silver lining!

I will have a house full for Thanksgiving and will be preparing a table full of food. I'm so excited. I've already bought glad storage containers because I will be sending leftovers home with my sister, momma and son - such a good feeling and so much to be thankful for. I remember sitting at the "kids" table on Thanksgiving day after my momma had prepared dinner for everyone. The only thing we "kids" thought about was turkey, parades and playing football with daddy after dinner. Sometimes I long to be at the "kids" table again when life was much simpler.

What is your favorite childhood memory of Thanksgiving?

October 18, 2005 - Update

2005-10-19T16:31:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord! Thank you for your words of encouragement & prayers!

My cancer marker came down 29 points. I feel so very blessed! It's a terrible thing to bank my emotions on a set of numbers for two to three days every twenty-one days. I truly believe that God is in control; however, those few days my "humanistic" side kicks in. Knowing the numbers are down is one thing that gives me tangible proof and encouragement to keep on "keeping on". Especially, with the radiation, I hate it, but I only have two weeks and two days to go.

Nick and Megan came over to see me while I was receiving my chemo. I was there until after 4:00 PM. Nick brought me lunch and then Megan walked over on her break and brought me a caramel apple! I can't say anything about Nick and Meg without making a comment about Ebs can I? She made a 90 on her algebra test - this girl hates math as much as I hate radiation! I just love my kids!!!

Have a great evening!

October 18, 2005

2005-10-18T11:13:00.000-05:00

Good afternoon! I hope your day has gone well. It is a beautiful blue sky day here.
My one day trip to Bell Buckle, Tennessee on Saturday was fabulous! The weather was absolutely perfect. It was an all day excursion. Bell Buckle has a population of approximately 465 people. It was settled in the late 1700's around a spring that supplied the area's fresh water. It was also a supply of water for the native Americans. In the 1800's the railroad came to Bell Buckle and by the early 1900's it had brought prosperity and Bell Buckle was a boom town. Today Bell Buckle is a mecca for artisans, craftsmen, antiques, good food and music. The Webb School is one of the most highly regarded private boarding schools in the country and is located in Bell Buckle. The annual fair/craft show in Bell Buckle is held the second weekend of October.
There were funnel cakes, kettle corn, roasted corn-on-the-cob, blooming onions, potato twisters, chicken and all kinds of good eats. The one item I did not see was a caramel apple. What is a fair without a "homemade" caramel apple?
There were antiques galore and all types of unique crafts. Yes, I had a great time. I hope to have the opportunity to go there when it isn't so crowded to just walk around the town and go into some of the shops. I enjoy exploring small town, USA. They have so much to offer.

Have a pleasant evening - I'll update as soon as I get my blood test results back!

October 14, 2005

2005-10-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

Today at 8:40 AM completed week three of my radiation treatments! Only three more weeks to go. I always looked forward to the weekends but never as much as I do now. I worked three full days this week - I was so proud of making it to 5:00. I was off today and enjoyed doing absolutely nothing this afternoon. Next week is chemo week and "number week". I actually feel pretty confident about next week, I don't know why but I think my numbers may be down. I'm praying extra hard.
I found out about a week ago that I'm going to be a grandmother. My 20-year-old daughter is five weeks pregnant. My first grandbaby is due on June 6, 2006. I hope I get the opportunity to spend lots of time with this child after it is born.

A friend and co-worker and I are traveling close to Nashville tomorrow for a craft show. It is called Bell Buckle. Elaine has gone the last few years and says it is great. I have never been and I am looking forward to a one-day vacation. We're leaving about 7:00 AM and will be gone most of the day. We'll be traveling over Monteagle Mountain so I am sure we'll see some changing colors of the trees. Sunday will definitely be my day of rest.

Have a blessed weekend! I'll be checking back in on Sunday! Until then - here is a question: Can a person love too much?

October 1, 2005

2005-10-01T18:15:00.000-05:00

Wow - October 1st - only three months left in 2005.

Yesterday morning I completed my first week of radiation treatments - Only five weeks to go. I received good news regarding my cancer marker (CA-125), it came down 21 points! I didn't get too sick from the treatments until last night - I was so very sick, but I'm beginning to feel some better now. Chemo also made me sick this week. For the first time in over two years I had a reaction to the chemo drug. It wasn't too bad, and they were able to slow it down so that the action was reversed. I didn't get home until after 4:00 on Wednesday afternoon. I am still having problems with pain, limited range of motion and use of my right shoulder/arm. The hope is that there isn't too much nerve damage and that the pain will subside as the treatments continue.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend - I will write more later!

September 23, 2005

2005-09-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

Happy Friday and Happy Fall!
It is official - I begin radiation treatments on Tuesday morning, 09/27. I will receive radiation treatments five days a week for six weeks. I will also continue with chemo every 21 days. That means next week I will have radiation, have chemo and receive results of blood work to determine where my CA-125 (cancer marker) is at. Whew.......what a week it's going to be!
It is hard to believe that the first day of the fall season began yesterday. It is still really warm here, but I am sure that cooler temperatures are around the corner. I will begin putting out my fall decorations this weekend. This is my favorite time of year. I love the changing colors, pumpkins, candy corn, watching football and going to a few craft shows. I love November and Thanksgiving and the extra time with family and friends. It's a wonderful feeling.....
Question: Do you have a favorite time of year? Why is that time special for you?

Have a wonderful weekend! Keep the people of the Gulf Coast in your thoughts and prayers.

September 16, 2005

2005-09-16T08:13:00.000-05:00

Go visit "Debsrandomthoughts.blogspot.com". She is new to the blogworld - make her feel welcome!

Just for Fun...from a blog, of a blog of a blog

2005-09-12T13:07:00.000-05:00

September 12, 2005

2005-09-12T09:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Monday! Hope each of you had a good weekend!

Well, I received both great news and not-so-great news on Friday. The great news is that my cancer marker went down 49 points the not-so-great news is that the biopsy I had last Tuesday revealed that the cancer has spread to my right pectorals (chest) muscle. I am meeting with the doctor this afternoon to discuss what options are next. My chemo treatment was changed last Wednesday so I do not think that they will change it again after just one treatment, but you never know, "all things are possible".

I want to thank each of you again for your support and words of encouragement and most of all your prayers. I feel truly blessed to have you in my corner. Have a blessed week. I will update again soon.

September 6, 2005

2005-09-06T19:46:00.000-05:00

Good evening all - I hope each of you had a good Labor Day holiday!

Well, I went in for my pectoralis muscle tissue biopsy this morning. I got up and got ready and drove in. When I reached registration I noticed that other people that were there had brought someone with them. The procedure was done in the CT lab; however, I was "housed" in the MACU - (Medical Ambulatory Care Unit). I asked the nurse if I was supposed to bring somebody with me. She responded by asking me if I had driven myself. I answered, "sure, I was going to go on to work after the procedure". Wrong answer, I was told that after the procedure I had to stay and "rest" for at least four to eight hours. Needless to say I was dumbfounded and upset because I really wanted to go to work because I cannot afford to get behind. Oh well, I enjoyed the "rest" and actually feel pretty good at the moment. I should know the results by the end of the week - I am praying fervently that it isn't cancer.

Robin was the only girl in the office today. Renee is still on funeral leave, Elaine was off, Janet left at noon, and yours truly wasn't allowed to work. Poor Robin, I know she handled things well. She is such a good person and friend. She found the time to walk over and "visitate" for a little bit before my procedure and before she was left completely alone in the office.

Okay, have a good week and focus on the positive! Remember, all things are possible....

September 4, 2005

2005-09-02T16:31:00.000-05:00

WOW - can you believe it is already September? I am sitting here thinking about the events of this past week - there just are not words to adequately describe what horrors have befallen the gulf state region this week. What a terrible, terrible tragedy for those poor people to have gone through, but the saddest part of all is when I hear and see the news of people hurting each other - unbelievable! We have been bombarded by these negative images constantly this week. Not only have I thought about these things that have occurred far from my home, I have also thought about the sadness that has come close to me this week. A girl in my office lost her father after finding out about six weeks ago he had cancer. The family called in Hospice on Monday and he died on Wednesday night. Thursday afternoon another co-worker received word that her husband's grandfather had died. It was his 84th birthday. I had various tests all week and it concluded with me having to have a biopsy scheduled for Tuesday, September 6th of some soft tissue in my chest. They think there is a mass in the chest wall area.

Psalm 118:34: This is the day which the Lord hath made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.

I have to focus on the positive - I cannot change any of the circumstances that the past week has brought. BUT, I can change my attitude toward those circumstances and pray that God's will be done. For all the negative things we have heard and seen, I am confident that there are positive things that will come out. The people that were saved in the gulf coast region and have their life have everything before them if they will trust God.

Poor Job - he lost everything - his wealth, his family and his health. James 5:11: Behold, we count them happy that endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful and of tender mercy.

Now, I have faith and I trust in the Lord. I pray for the people in the gulf coast region and I pray for my friends who have lost someone they love. I am also praying that my biopsy will turn out to be nothing. However, my humanistic side has occasionally kicked in and I have found myself asking "WHY?". I cannot understand God's ways in the realm of nature, much less the spiritual realm, so I must be content with the knowledge that God is a loving God and a just God. In the end we will know the answers.

August 19, 2005

2005-08-19T10:52:00.000-05:00

Wow - today is Friday - two more days until Monday!

I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed weekend!!!

August 17, 2005 - Post #2

2005-08-17T19:42:00.000-05:00

What Classic Movie Are You? personality tests by similarminds.com

August 17, 2005

2005-08-17T15:16:00.000-05:00

I wish I could take credit for the writing below, but I can't. It was e-mailed to me from a friend and co-worker. I needed this today because it has been "one of those days". I'm sure you all know the kind of day I'm speaking of.

The Penny

Several years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were invited to spend the weekend at the husband's employer's home. My friend, Arlene, was nervous about the weekend. The boss was very wealthy, with a fine home on the waterway, and cars costing more than her house.

The first day and evening went well, and Arlene was delighted to have this rare glimpse into how the very wealthy live. The husband's employer was quite generous as a host, and took them to the finest restaurants. Arlene knew she would never have the opportunity to indulge in this kind of extra vagary again, so she was enjoyed herself immensely.

As the three of them were about to enter an exclusive restaurant that evening, the boss was walking slightly ahead of Arlene and her husband. He stopped suddenly, looking down on the pavement for a long, silent moment.

Arlene wondered if she was supposed to pass him. There was nothing on the ground except a single darkened penny that someone had dropped, and a few cigarette butts. Still silent, the man reached down and picked up the penny. He held it up and smiled, then put it in his pocket as if he had found a great treasure. How absurd! What need did this man have for a single penny? Why would he even take the time to stop and pick it up?

Throughout dinner, the entire scene nagged at her. Finally, she could stand it no longer. She casually mentioned that her daughter once had a coin collection, and asked if the penny he had found had been of some value. A smile crept across the man's face as he reached into his pocket for the penny and held it out for her to see. She had seen many pennies before. What was the point of this?

"Look at it," he said, "read what it says." She read the words "United States of America". He responded, "No that that, read further." She read, "one cent". He responded, "No keep reading." She read, "In God we Trust." He said, "Yes." She responded, "And?"

He said, "And, if I trust in God, the name of God is holy, even on a coin. Whenever I find a coin I see that inscription. It is written on every single United States coin, but we never seem to notice it! God drops a message right in front of me telling me to trust Him. Who am I to pass it by? When I see a coin, I pray, I stop to see if my trust IS in God at the moment. I pick the coin up as a response to God; that I do trust in Him. For a short time, at least, I cherish it as if it were gold. I think it is God's way of starting a conversation with me. Lucky for me, God is patient and pennies are plentiful."

When I was out shopping today, I found a penny on the sidewalk. I stopped and picked it up and realized that I had been worrying and fretting in my mind about things I cannot change. I read the words, "In God we Trust," and had to laugh, Yes God, I get the message.

It seems that I have been finding an inordinate number of pennies in the last few months, but then pennies are plentiful! And, God is patient............

August 15, 2005

2005-08-11T19:42:00.000-05:00

Count Your Blessings

Matthew 5:45 tells us that God sends his blessings on the just and the unjust. He makes the sun to rise and the rain to fall. God is so good to us all. Among the obvious blessings all people enjoy such as the sun, rain and air, I believe that God blesses His children in other ways as well.

Life has been tough at times but I have been blessed in so many ways. God has blessed me with the opportunity to continue going to church. He has blessed me with the stamina and endurance to undergo chemotherapy and be able to keep working. I have been blessed with three wonderful children and a loving family. God has blessed me with friends who are willing to go the extra mile and lend a helping hand, even when they're going through some difficult times themselves - thank you Marti! God has blessed me with family, friends and co-workers who offer me words of encouragement as well as keep me in their prayers. I feel blessed to live in a place where people can talk about their faith and feelings for God and not be afraid.

People often tell me they don't understand how I do what I do - my response has always been and will continue to be - God is good, God has blessed me, and God continues to bless me. My faith has always been important to me and over the last two years it has just gotten stronger.

My question to you is: What are you thankful for? How do you feel you have been blessed?

August 9, 2005

2005-08-07T18:40:00.000-05:00

Two Steps Forward...One Step Back

I feel like I've been sinking into a big black hole. This mood is somewhat unusual for me. I'm usually more upbeat than I have been this past week. I am working through it though!

Sunday I took this test called "How You Live Your Life" There were only five questions to answer and I was amazed at how accurate the computer described me. The results were: You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it. Believe it or not this is so me!

Well, this is chemo week as well as blood work-up week. I just received the results from my blood work. The last two months (June & July) I received great news with my "cancer markers" (CA-125) going down a significant amount. This month the report isn't that great. My count went up 23 points from 416. to 439. For those of you who do not know CA-125 is the ovarian cancer marker and normal is 8-12. Needless to say I am not thrilled with the results; however, I continue to feel blessed and know that things could be much worse!!! I have come to the conclusion that the markers increased because of too much chocolate this month-LOL.

At least I'm not suffering from a broken heart. Ebs, my 15 year old, has a broken heart. Her boyfriend of six months broke up with her over the weekend. She went to the prom with him. She is a sophmore this year and he's going to college on a baseball scholoarship. I told her that being 15 and in love is tough and I would not do it again. I told her that in time she will be okay and be able to remember all the good times they shared, including her first prom. I didn't tell her that I thought it was for the best, but it is!

Work stuff is still the same - some things never change! :-)

I will be back -

Now, go and make some memories with the people you cherish most! Have a blessed afternoon.

It's Friday

2005-07-29T18:27:00.000-05:00

Hello all - I was off work today - and it was good! Ebs and I went to breakfast, then grocery shopping. We then went home and cleaned house and made a trip to Wal-Mart. It is 7:30 PM and her friends are here - they are all talking at once. There is six so far and one more on the way. It's going to be a looooong night. Megan is also here and I am expecting Nick at any time. I love my kids and I love having them all home!

This was a horrible work week. I don't even know how to explain it. My mind is still "numb". I have not had a week like this in some time. Normally I just let the work stuff roll off my back and go on; however, this week I was mentally and physically drained by the time I went home Thursday at 5:00 PM. I was so glad that I didn't work today. It seemed like everything I did was wrong - I couldn't please "the boss" at all. And poor Marti - she had a difficult time this week also. She put too much pressure on herself - the glitches that occurred were NOT her fault, but she assumed the responsibility. Everything turned out great - she did a wonderful job!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! Be a blessing to someone.

I Thought Today was Wednesday????

2005-07-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

I am ready to go home and start the day over. However, I seriously doubt that would do any good. It has been a typical Monday.
I was stopped in the hallway while going to my office by my physician boss. I had my arms full with an easel, dry erase board and my purse when he stopped me. He proceeded to tell me that I had used wrong terminology when doing something he asked me to do. He was also very upset that I used his name in the request. DUH - I wasn't the one who wanted something done; HE WAS!!! He proceeded to use words like "nuances" and "phraseology". I just looked at him and smiled. After everything was said and done all parties involved spoke to each other and do not have a clue as to why he was upset. The situation was taken care of and all was okay! Maybe he was having a bad morning.........Bless his heart:-)

Have a good morning! I'll be back later.

2005-07-26T15:52:00.000-05:00

Someone will always be prettier. They will also be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house. So let it go, and love you and your circumstances. Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the richest woman you know - she's got the car, the house, the clothes - might be lonely. And the word says, "..if I have not love, I am nothing..."

So again, love you. Love who you are right now and let God be your barometer. Mirror Him. Look in the mirror in the morning and see how much of God you see. He's the only standard and even when you come up short; He will not leave you or forsake you.

Smile and may God continue to bless you.

Bless Her Heart - Again

2005-07-25T18:02:00.000-05:00

I am speechless.....It's 7:03 and I have just gotten out of a 5:30 meeting. I hope I can relay to you in this post the humor and lack of common sense that was displayed prior to the meeting. I will keep it short - so please use your mind...
ME: 5:15PM Will you please get the drinks (water & soft drinks) out and ready for the meeting
HER: Yes maam - how many of each do you want?
ME: Oh, four or five bottles of water and three cans each of various soft drinks
HER: Okay....
She wheels the cart and says here you go, do you need anything else?
ME: No. Thank you - have a nice evening
I am taking the cart to the meeting room and notice two of the bottled waters looked "different". On closer examination THEY WERE FROZEN - ROCK SOLID!!!!! She had gotten them out of the freezer to make sure that I had the "four or five" bottles I had requested.
Heavy sigh - Bless her heart!

I'm going home.

Make a Memory

2005-07-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

I did not do too much today - it was too hot! I did some laundry and then Ebs and I went to K-mart and then to visit with my sister. It was good. I am the oldest of four children and my kids love their Aunt "Ro" - she is right on their level (or shorter) at just 5' tall. She is wonderful and only lives about 20 minutes away. She has never married so she spoils her nieces and nephews. When we have our annual Christmas get together we always have it at her house - it is soooooo much fun. My entire family makes fun of me and calls me "Miss Olan Mills" because I always take my camera and am taking pictures. But, one day they will be glad that I took all those pictures and put them in scrapbooks! LOL

Let me tell you briefly about my siblings. First came me, then 15-months later my mom had twins - Aunt Ro and her (our) brother Uncle Rick. For the record he is 6'2"...Go figure. Then five years later my mom had our "baby" brother. He's 40 but still the "baby". My mother does not allow us to forget that she had four kids under the age of five all at one time.

I'm grateful for the time I, and my children, are getting to spend with them. My one regret is that it wasn't until after my diagnosis of ovarian cancer that we ALL realized how important it was to take time for each other NOW and not later. My desire is for everyone I love to have happy memories of times spent together!

Now, go and do something fun - make some memories!

BLOG BLOG BLOG

2005-07-22T17:35:00.000-05:00

I only started blogging on July 8th - and already I am hooked. Actually, I have decided that blogging is as addictive as M&M's or bread and chips. When I started I was so worried that my blogs would not be good enough to post. I have "surfed the rings" and have been amazed at the blog sites I have had the opportunity to visit. I've read short blogs, long blogs and all blogs in between. I've laughed and cried and at times been inspired. Everyone has a story to tell and feelings to share - it's incredible the many lives that can be touched by this "blogging" thing. I hope that one day I will be as eloquent with my "blogging" skills as others are. However, as I strive to reach that level I will continue to surf the rings and post my blogs and have fun while doing it. Have a great weekend!

Bad Mood Bear

2005-07-21T19:51:00.000-05:00

I went back to work Wednesday after being off a few days. Both Wednesday and today I was in a horrible mood by 5:00. I don't know why, or even what caused it, my bad mood just crept up on me and stayed with me. If you have read my survivor entry you will know that I have ovarian cancer and I am undergoing chemo. I'm still working fulltime and overall feel okay, but I have to admit there are days (like the past two) when my heart and mind just aren't in to working. May be it's the heat - it has been very hot and humid here this week. Or it could be "Dingle", she has a tendency to really get on my nerves. She is one of those people who when you say something about her you automatically end the comment with, "Bless her heart." I'm sure you know the kind of individual I am referring to - they mean well, and they really try, but bless their heart....... Overall the office "bullpen", as we have been referred to, is a pretty good group of people. However, we do have one "professor" who thinks the office is run by the secretaries - duh, who else would know what to do?

My middle daughter has given me a fit today. That could be another reason for my bad mood. She suffers from "Middle Child Syndrome" - they never outgrow it! There are times that my kids think "m-o-m" stands for Made Of Money - they forget it spells mom.

Oh well, I'm just going to surf the blog rings for a while. Just had to vent. I know better days are ahead; after all, tomorrow is Friday!

A Strong Woman vs A Woman of Strength

2005-07-20T14:22:00.000-05:00

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body strong- But a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything- But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear
A strong woman won't let someone get the best of her- But a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future- But a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them
A strong woman walks sure footedly- But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face- But a woman of strength wears grace

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey- But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong

Saturday Blues

2005-07-16T17:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know what is wrong with me today - I'm feeling a little sad and blue for some reason. Actually, I'm feeling lonely.

I just got home from spending the afternoon with my son. He turned 22 on Monday (7/11) and he and I celebrated today. I got him two pairs of dress / casual shoes and a memory card for his digital camera, then we went to eat. He loves Mexican food more than anybody I know so we ate at Cancun. It was a very nice afternoon. I love my children. Each child is unique and requires different types of love. Nick is my only son and my first born. He was an extremely good baby and has turned into a nice young man. He has a very special place in my heart. I watched him today and realized that he isn't my "little boy" anymore. But, I still want to hold on to him so tight and keep him safe forever. I worry that he will move off somewhere and be far away from me, but that is what we as parents are supposed to do isn't it? Raise our children to live on their own and be independent?

Nick lives in his daddy's grandparent's house. He has fixed it up really nice. He is a much better housekeeper on his own than he was at home. So have faith, just because you have a child who has a messy bedroom it doesn't mean they will keep a messy house! He has three semesters of college left and then he will be graduating. He wants to teach and coach at the middle school or high school level. I am very proud of him - he has done a good job of getting to where he is at. My one hope and prayer is that he (and my daughters) will always know how much I love them!

GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED

2005-07-15T17:34:00.000-05:00

This is great - it really touched my heart!!!!

I envy Kevin. My brother Kevin thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night. He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped outside his closed door to listen.

"Are you there, God?" he said. "Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed."

I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.

He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2); there are few ways in which he is an adult. He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas, and those airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them. I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life? Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed. The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child. He does not seem dissatisfied. He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work. He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.

And Saturdays-oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. "That one's goin' to Chi-car-go!" Kevin shouts as he claps his hands. His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.

And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips. He doesn't know what it means to be discontent. His life is simple. He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats.

His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be. His hands are diligent. Kevin is never as happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it. He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax. He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others.. His heart is pure. He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue. Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God. Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child.

Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an "educated" person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion. In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith. It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions. It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, and my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care.

Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God. And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed. Kevin won't be surprised at all!

Working from Home

2005-07-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

I'm somewhat angry at this particular moment! In the last 30 minutes I have been contacted by my workplace for various reasons - I AM OFF TODAY!!!!! If my phone was not answered then they would try my cell phone.....GRRRRRRRR. If I was going to work from home then I should not count it as a day off! Okay - I'm through-for now!

Survivor - Not the Show

2005-07-14T19:09:00.000-05:00

No person can choose where to die, when to die or how to die - but each person can choose how to live. I am choosing to live! I am a survivor. I have survived single motherhood for 15 years. Their father left when my youngest was 9-weeks old. My children are now 22, 20 and 15. I have survived working full time, going to school full time and raising my children alone. I have survived coaching sports, watching rec, middle school and high school sports and even playing sports! I have survived and am surviving the baby years, school years, teenage years, college years and young adult years. I have survived and am surviving the purchase of my first home - a home that is in constant need of repair. I am surviving a job that is, well......another story (Marti can help me with that one!) The biggest challenge I am surviving right now is ovarian cancer.

I was given the definitive diagnosis of ovarian cancer on Friday, February 14, 2003. Thanks to Marti I was able to achieve quick access to a great physician who ordered tests, saw me on Friday, February 14th and referred me to an excellent gyn-oncologist. I saw my gyn-oncologist on Monday, February 17th and had surgery on Tuesday, February 18th. I got to come home from the hospital on Monday, February 24th and had my first chemo treatment on Wednesday, February 26th. Since then I have undergone chemo treatments once every 28 days for six months; once a week from August 2003 - to January 2005; and now I am undergoing treatments once every 28 days since the last Wednesday in January 2005. Each change of chemo treatment was secondary to not responding any longer to the drug I was on. I got a great report this week! My CA-125 (ovarian cancer marker) came down 178 points this month. I was speechless! All I could say over and over was "Thank you God!" My marker is at 416 now (normal is 8-13). Prior to my surgery my marker was over 6,000. God has truly blessed me!!!

I sometimes wonder if I let Marti know what she meant to me back in February. I can remember it like yesterday. I went upstairs with my report and was looking for someone to help me. The lady I was looking for was out of the office, so Marti took over in a very unassuming way and guided me. We knew each other but never had the opportunity to do alot together. I do not know what I would have done if she had not reached out to help me.

Marti, I know you are reading this - I love you! Thank you! So you can see - I AM A SURVIVOR and my faith is what has gotten me here. As well as the love and many prayers of my family and many friends and co-workers.

Cows, Constitution, Ten Commandments & Martha Stewart

2005-07-13T09:45:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow. CONSTITUTION They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore. The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment! MARTHA STEWART And Last but not least.....George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard and haul her tail off to jail."

Gardening Children

2005-07-11T17:31:00.000-05:00

Raising children and raising a garden require love, time and patience. A garden is set up making sure there is room for a good root system. A garden is watered and fertilized. Great care is taken to ensure that pesky insects and rodents stay away so as not to destroy the fragile plant while maturing. At least once a week the garden is visited and weeded. And then at some point while tending the garden it becomes obvious that one plant is not responding like the others. It seems to be doing it's own thing. No matter what changes are made, less food, more food and even trying a new food it doesn't help. Even staking the plant and tying it up doesn't help. It still grows the way it wants to. At the end of the season the plant finally produces and turns out as lovely as the others. In some ways it even appears stronger than the others.

Some Truths About Me

2005-07-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

I have sat in front of this computer for an hour. Have you ever wanted to sit down and write something but your mind would not let you? You know in your heart what you want to write, but the words just seem inadequate. I love God, I love life, I love my family and I love my friends. My faith and God are extremely important to me. I want people to love me back - or at least like me, but I know that isn't possible. I have learned to accept the fact that you cannot make every person you come in contact with happy. I have learned that in order for a person to be a friend they must first like and accept themselves, so I can say that I like and accept me! I am a hard person to get to know. I subconsciously have this wall around me and will not let people "in" immediately, but when I do I am a good friend and a good listener. I am a strong person, and I realize that at times I am too strong. There are days that I would love to cry to a friend, but I can't. I have this feeling deep inside that I have to be strong so the other person can cry. There are days that when people ask me "how are you?" I want to scream how i really feel - physically and/or emotionally. I know the good feeling of being a blessing to somebody, but I am ashamed to say that there have been times when I have refused to let somebody be blessed by helping me. I have a problem thinking that if I let somebody help me that I have failed in some way. The reality is that the real failure is not accepting the help of someone who loves you and sincerely wants to be there for you. I like to be in control - if I give in then I do not have control. I read this and laugh out loud because I say my faith and God are important to me, yet I say I like to be in control. I know that God is in control and He has the ultimate say so,but my faith just isn't as strong as it used to be or as I would like it to be. These days my prayer life is "Oh God, ......." I thank God for all I have been blessed with, but that's it. People tell me everyday they don't know how I do what I do, I tell them God is good and I have been blessed. I am blessed every day!